Sceptical ways

I’m a sceptic. I have the ability to look at all sides of the argument and I’m not usually satisfied til I have exhausted every avenue. Even then I’m wary of making a decision about something unless I have all the facts. I hate being one- sided and if I can’t find information for all sides if an argument it bugs me. I mean really bugs me. Sometimes it drives me to seek. To find. To use canine instinct to hunt some info down. But my natural scepticism often kicks in when I don’t want it to. Basically if you told me something, I wouldn’t believe it. I would probably batt my eyelids and nod in agreement but underneath the girly facade is a brain thinking through every tiny bit of your argument. I need proof. Cold hard proof.
But I’m also very good at thinking fast and making a quick decision. I’m even scared of this trait myself. Sometimes it appears to be a rash decision. Impulsive. Thoughtless. But somehow I have logically weighed up the decision very quickly. I still don’t understand this ability. While others are carefully weighing up the options I have thought it through and made a decision, while they are still on option 1. However, I’m also blessed with stubbornness. Lethal when mixed with scepticism. It basically means once I have made a decision usually only God can change my mind. Lol I’m good at saying no. And sticking to it. That is if I actually say no. Most of the time I’m so laid back that saying no is ‘way harsh, man. Where’s the love?’
Figure that one out. Sometimes it means I can say no to my students’ nagging and stick to it. Sometimes it means I can made a sound judgement and see the bigger picture intuitively when very few can. Sometimes it means I can engage in a debate and not back down til I ‘win’, to my shame. Sometimes I have such an insatiable appetite for knowledge and truth that I literally cannot rest until I have it worked out in my head. Sometimes it means I can be surrounded by advertising and still ignore it. Sometimes it means I will take an unpopular view on something which people view as ‘dangerous’ or ‘reckless’ and I stick to it just to prove them wrong. Sometimes it means I will spend hours researching when I should be out socialising, but driven by the need to ‘know’.
Of course I say sometimes. I am, after all, flawed. I am a girl and sometimes my emotional response takes precedence.
There’s a glimpse inside my head.

Peace and Chandeliers

“Thank God, O women, for the quietude of your home, and that you are queen it it. Men come at eventide to the home; but all day long you are there, beautifying it, sanctifying it, adorning it, blessing it. Better be there than wear a queen’s coronet. Better be there than carry the purse of a princess. It may be a very humble home. There may be no carpet on the floor. There may be no pictures on the wall. There may be no silks in the wardrobe; but, by your faith in God, and your cheerful demeanor, you may garniture that place with more splendor than the upholsterer’s hand ever kindled.” —Reverend T. DeWitt Talmage, D.D

 

I love this quote and thought I would share it. 

Having grown up a less than ‘quiet’ home where bitterness and anger and sadness grew out of the old creaky floorboards beneath the faded, torn carpet, something in me responds to this quote. I remember as a child thinking about my future home and what it would look like. Beyond the fancy balustrades and crystal chandeliers and children named after my sisters   (I don’t think I knew that many names!!) it was hard to put my finger on what exactly I wanted. I knew I couldn’t care less about a high-flying career (though how one would pay for those chandeliers who knows!!). I knew I wanted children.  And I knew that staying at home with said children would be precious. I think there was a certain amount of fear when I thought about it all. Fear because I didn’t want to end up alone with children like my mum. Fear because i didn’t want to be struggling, I didn’t want my children living on old torn carpets or in rooms with cracked walls. I didn’t want them to be worrying every night about money. I didn’t want them wishing for riches and not appreciating what they already had.  I was probably too young to be thinking about such things, but I remember the fear was very real to me. 

As I got older I started to change my thinking. I’m independent. I can do this just as well as  men can. I am equal to men. I am sometimes better than men. I don’t need a man, I can do this by myself. Putting immeasurable pressure on myself to get better. To break the poverty cycle we lived in. To raise myself from the ashes. 

Notice I used a lot of ‘Me’ ‘Myself’ and ‘I’? I was selfish. I knew I wanted God in my life. But trusting him completely was huge. What if he didn’t give me what I want?

When I was 27 and diagnosed with Cancer, I remember finally realising what it was I really wanted. 

To live. It didn’t matter whether I achieved or not. I just wanted to live. In peace. 

Peace. 

That’s what was missing from those childish daydreams. A peaceful home. Just a simple home where people loved each other and lived in peace. 

It took me a long time to work out that the only way of living in peace was By trusting in someone greater than me. 

Why did I share this quote? I love the importance it places on the role of the home-maker. How we are instruments of peace in our own homes. That’s a pretty powerful role. 

I still dream about chandeliers occasionally. but I’d settle for plastic ones. 

Avoiding the Crowd

I don’t like crowds. Which is weird since I’m a teacher. But I do all I can to avoid christmas or holiday crowds. This year I’m making a majority of gifts. Which has the dual purpose of avoiding crowds and cleaning out my craft cupboard. 🙂 Oh and of course it saves me money as well by using what I already have. Problem is, I have so many crafts. I have little patience. Which ones to do that aren’t tacky or rushed? Yet are fast and effective? hmm….. The quandary.

So in an effort not to give anything away, here’s some clues. wool. material. wire. beads. ribbon.

Hope they aren’t too lame. 😀